So, Chuck Wendig, an author whose novels I enjoy, does a prompt every Friday to get the creative writing juices flowing. Sometimes, he also offers prizes. Last Friday's was to create a spam message with horror elements
, which he called "Spammerpunk horror." This intrigued me, especially since I knew almost immediately what I'd want to write about (remember our good friend the Nigerian Prince
? Except my version has better grammar and spelling 🙂 ), so I decided to try the challenge. So, in 395 words, here is my [quickly written] spammerpunk horror (which may be more satirical than horrific), entitled: 419
Dear Sir or Madam,
Firstly, let me apologize for infringing on your privacy. It must be a surprise to receive a missive from a total stranger, however I have a proposal for you that will prove lucrative for all of us. As you know, Ebola is now a global epidemic, with thousands of people dying weekly. However, this does not have to be your fate, my friend! You see, I am a fully accredited doctor who is in charge of a very secret research facility in Nigeria. I work for the Nigerian Prince, who has tasked me with finding a vaccine for Ebola. After months of strenuous development and testing, I am happy to announce that it has been done! Unfortunately, my breakthrough did not occur before the Prince -- and his entire family -- succumbed to the deadly virus. So, now I am sitting on the formula without the funds to create the vaccine. I will provide you with the vaccine to Ebola, but you will need to help fund the development the vaccine. For the low payment of $2,800, you can hold in your hands the vaccine to Ebola, which will guarantee you safety from the horrific disease.
Just imagine, as people fall prey to its hemorrhagic, painful symptoms, you will be safe. No longer will you need to fear people displaying symptoms of flu-like sickness, nor will you worry when you go out. No longer will you need to wear a medical mask in the hopes of creating a barrier between you and the Ebola virus. You will be free to live your life again!
Would you like to ensure your family is safe too? For another $3,000, you can receive three more vaccines! That's four vaccines total for $5,800! When you consider the safety of yourself and your family, is there any price you are unwilling to pay? When you consider how this horrible virus has ravaged the human race on a global scale -- decimating entire towns until only the sick and dying remain -- doesn't our price for a real, working vaccine seem like a lifesaving deal?
In order to pay for this vaccine, please send the money through a reliable wire transfer. Please reply to this email for more details.
Safety from the threat of Ebola is just a click away!
Thank you for your time,
Dr. Dele Danjuma